From nothing to love

Nothing, by Mick Inkpen, tells the story of a sad, lonely, misshapen stuffed cat. He’s left behind in an attic when the family moves out. He can’t quite remember who he is or what his name is. One of the movers shines a flashlight on him and says, “Oh, it’s nothing,” so he decides his name must be Nothing. He meets up with a mouse, a fox, and a frog, and eventually a tabby cat. Nothing cries to the cat, “I don’t know who I am!” The tabby cat befriends Nothing and takes him on an adventure. Eventually, the tabby cat takes Nothing home. Nothing finds out that he, in fact, belongs to this family. They clean him up, fix his injuries, and envelop him in love. He has a family! He’s home! He’s loved!

The story is excellent and the illustrations are exquisite. It looks very much like a young children’s book, but the message is appropriate for all ages. Recently, I gave this to a 14-year-old boy who was intrigued by the book.

Discussion or writing topics:

• How did Nothing feel in the beginning of the book? Have you ever felt like that?
• How did Nothing feel at the end of the book? What helped him feel differently?
• What are five feelings that Nothing might have had at the beginning of the book?
• What are five feelings that Nothing might have had at the end of the book?

Book info:
Nothing by Mick Inkpen. Written for young children, ages 4-8, but applicable for older children, teens, and adults. Helpful for individuals dealing with issues relating to adoption, life changes, feeling alone, worthlessness, and grief and loss.

Building a sense of self through writing

If your child is struggling due to stress, grief, behavioral issues, or big life questions, they may not be sure who they are. Sometimes it’s more than low self esteem, but a lack of self… an inability to figure out what they like, what they’re good at, or even what their favorite food is.

Help your child along. Give her or him a few questions to answer or writing prompts or drawing assignments about themselves. Don’t use these as opportunities to tell your child that their self-perceptions are incorrect or should change. Instead, thank them for sharing and suggest they tell you more, either through writing or talking. The goal is just to give them a deeper sense of who they are, a deeper sense of self, and ultimately, improved self-esteem.

Suggest one or more of the following to your child:

• Draw a picture of yourself.
• Draw a picture of you and your family.
• When it’s sunny, I like to __________.
• My favorite place to go for vacation is __________.
• I love to eat __________.
• My feet like to __________.
• I’d like to invent __________.
• If I could make a movie it would be called __________.
• I’d like to write a book about __________.
• Someday, I hope I can __________.
• Write about a time you were helpful and how it made you feel.
• Write about a time you were sad and why.
• Imagine you could go back in history. Who would you like to meet and what would you ask that person?

A child writing about himself or herself could be a one-time activity, or you could get them a journal and have them write one thing every day about themselves. Remember, the idea is not for you to try and change how they think about themselves or to dispute what they write, but rather to give them new opportunities to  think about who they are and who they would like to be, developing an improved sense of self.

RESOURCES:

Kid’s Health: Developing Your Child’s Self Esteem

Oh, The Places You’ll Go by Dr. Seuss

Touching Spirit Bear

During a TV show about bullying, one boy said that his life had changed–he had stopped being a bully, when he was required to read Touching Spirit Bear by Ben Mikaelsen. I HAD to read it.

Cole is a mean, angry 15-year-old bully. He beats another student so badly the boy is hospitalized withe severe, life-long injuries. No matter who talks to Cole or what they say, he is belligerent and argumentative. Not a shred of shame or remorse for his actions.

He’s given an alternative to jail which is banishment for a year to a remote, deserted Alaskan island. This decision is made when Cole becomes part of Circle Justice, a  program based on Native American principles that encourages change and healing as part of justice. Cole pretends to agree with the plan but in reality, he takes no responsibility for his actions. Instead, he blames his behaviors on his parents and others, never himself.

When Cole is left on the island, he has a small cabin for shelter and a year’s worth of supplies, with plans for regular visits from his temporary guardians. Within hours, he burns down the cabin and all his supplies. Later, he is severely mauled by a mysterious white bear. He is taken to hospital to heal from his extensive injuries, but is then returned to the island.

Slowly, Cole makes small shifts in his thinking. His setting forces him to learn new skills. Eventually, he develops self-awareness, thoughtfulness, sympathy, and remorse.

This is a powerful book. A child or adolescent could read it to themselves or a parent could read it to them.

Writing topics:

• Why do you think I had you read this book?
• Write about three things you learned from this book.
• How is the main character, Cole, similar and different to you?
• How would you describe Cole’s attitude at the end of the book? Of all the things he had to do to survive on the island, which one do you think contributed the most to his change in attitude?

Book info:
Touching Spirit Bear by Ben Mikaelsen. Ages 11-16. Especially appropriate for children struggling with issues of anger, aggression, abuse, and bullying. Also touches on themes of parental abuse and trauma.

Poetry for sharing emotions

Poetry provides an optional method for sharing emotions. Children and teens struggling with issues of feeling different, or being bullied, or grief and loss, or life-changing challenges need to share their emotions in order to find relief and help in moving forward. Even for kids who have never written poetry, the intrigue and challenge may encourage them to share their feelings in a new way.

In Poetry Everywhere, the author says, “It is… the nature of poetry to shake things up and engage the imagination.” So, point your children or clients towards poetry and see if you can shake out a few of their emotions, giving voice to their inner thoughts and feelings.

A simple poem format is a lune. Lunes have three words for the first line, five for the second, and three for the third. That’s it! The format is simpler than a haiku which is based on syllables. Here are a couple of examples:

Our Dog
Misty is black
and old and crinkly stiff
We love her.

Mommy
I love you
Wonderful mommy, beautiful and kind
Missing you already

Alone
I sit alone
No one comes to me
Please see me

You can have a child write three lunes about the same topic. Or, you could have them weave together several lunes into one poem. Start off with a simple, unemotional topic like a season or a place. Then give them emotion words to work with–angry, alone, lost, determined, or depressed. See what they come up with. It might just be another way to find out what’s inside and to help them let those feelings out.

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Reference: Poetry Everywhere–Teaching Poetry Writing in School and in the Community, by Jack Collom and Sheryl Noethe, 2005.

Words in the Dust

A 13-year-old-girl in Afghanistan faces challenges

Her world is filled with heat and dust, and rules and chores, and sadness and fear. Her name, Zulaikha, means “a brilliant beauty” in Afghani, but the mean boys in her traditional village call her “Donkeyface.” Zulaikha was born with a cleft palate, problems with her mouth and nose that make it difficult to talk and eat, and gives her face an odd, disfigured look.

Zulaikha’s mother died at the hands of the Taliban for her love of books. The memories of her mother’s death linger, as does her mother’s love of Afghan history, culture, and literature. Throughout the book, Zulaikha is confronted with limitations based on her culture and her family, but she and her sister encourage each other, no matter how difficult life is.

A window of delight opens in Zulaikha’s life when a friend of her mother’s offers to teach her to read. And, her whole world changes when an American soldier notices her and arranges for her to have surgery to fix her cleft palate. Even though a new world filled with new possibilities arises, Zulaikha must still face difficulties and grief, surrounded by a family and a culture that struggles with change.

Words in the Dust provides a glimpse into a part of the world that many Americans are unfamiliar with. Written by a soldier who was stationed in Afghanistan, the book reflects his admiration and knowledge of the culture. At the same time, he creates a novel filled with emotion, choice, and change.

WRITING ASSIGNMENTS

Describe the two events in Zulaikha’s life that have caused her to feel grief and pain.

Write down three times in the book when Zulaikha feels large, overhwhelming emotions. What does she do to feel and express those emotions? What would you recommend to Zulaikha as another possible way to express her emotions?

DISCUSSION TOPIC

Can you think of a time in your life when both good, positive things were happening, and at the same time, bad, negative things were happening?

ART PROJECT

Look at some Persian poetry like what Zulaikha was learning to read. Some examples are at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Find a page or part of a page that you like and try to re-create it.

BOOK INFO

Words in the Dust by Trent Reedy. Ages 10-15. Find this book in a local library or buy it here… Words in the Dust.

The Witch of Blackbird Pond

It’s cold, bleak, unfriendly, and her new family doesn’t even like her. Kit is miserable living in Colonial Connecticut after leaving her home in Barbados. As she struggles between fitting in and living out her beliefs, Kit meets a local woman who the Puritan town believes to be a witch, Hannah Tupper.

When Kit is rebuked for her non-Puritan actions such as wearing bright, colorful clothes, or teaching children to act out a story as a play, or knowing how to swim, she visits Hannah at her cabin near the swampy Blackbird Pond, at the edge of a large meadow. Hannah’s cabin is shabby but filled with a welcoming, warm, caring atmosphere.

At Hannah’s cabin, Kit also develops friendships with Nat, a young sailor who often stops in to help Hannah, and Prudence, a six-year-old who escapes her mother’s abuse by visiting Hannah.

When the town decides to bring Hannah to trial for being a witch, Kit’s friendship with Hannah is tested, and she herself is put in jail. In the end, Kit, Nat, and little Prudence, help Hannah. They all stay committed to their friend Hannah and show the town that honesty, a caring attitude, and friendship that includes even those who are different, is the right way to live.

WRITING ASSIGNMENTS

Make a list of 10 things that are different in Kit’s life in Connecticut from her life in Barbados.

Describe one of the emotions that Kit must have been feeling during those first few months living with her aunt, uncle, and cousins. When did you experience that same or a similar emotion?

DISCUSSION TOPIC

When have you felt left out or different from your friends?

Have you ever had a friend that other people thought was odd, unusual, or different?

ART PROJECT

Draw a picture of Hannah’s cabin including the outdoor areas near the cabin.

BOOK INFO

The Witch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth George Speare. Ages 10-14. Find this book in a local library or buy it here… Witch of Blackbird Pond.