Building a sense of self through writing

If your child is struggling due to stress, grief, behavioral issues, or big life questions, they may not be sure who they are. Sometimes it’s more than low self esteem, but a lack of self… an inability to figure out what they like, what they’re good at, or even what their favorite food is.

Help your child along. Give her or him a few questions to answer or writing prompts or drawing assignments about themselves. Don’t use these as opportunities to tell your child that their self-perceptions are incorrect or should change. Instead, thank them for sharing and suggest they tell you more, either through writing or talking. The goal is just to give them a deeper sense of who they are, a deeper sense of self, and ultimately, improved self-esteem.

Suggest one or more of the following to your child:

• Draw a picture of yourself.
• Draw a picture of you and your family.
• When it’s sunny, I like to __________.
• My favorite place to go for vacation is __________.
• I love to eat __________.
• My feet like to __________.
• I’d like to invent __________.
• If I could make a movie it would be called __________.
• I’d like to write a book about __________.
• Someday, I hope I can __________.
• Write about a time you were helpful and how it made you feel.
• Write about a time you were sad and why.
• Imagine you could go back in history. Who would you like to meet and what would you ask that person?

A child writing about himself or herself could be a one-time activity, or you could get them a journal and have them write one thing every day about themselves. Remember, the idea is not for you to try and change how they think about themselves or to dispute what they write, but rather to give them new opportunities to  think about who they are and who they would like to be, developing an improved sense of self.

RESOURCES:

Kid’s Health: Developing Your Child’s Self Esteem

Oh, The Places You’ll Go by Dr. Seuss

Narrative therapy heals

Writing about difficult subjects and traumatic incidents helps people in a multitude of ways, suggests professor James W. Pennebaker at the University of Texas.  One often-repeated test was to have individuals write about a trauma or difficult situation for 15 minutes, three or four days in a row.

In more than 200 expressive writing experiments, spread over two decades, according to Pennebaker, results include positive impact on various health complaints and immune function. College students, for example, improved their adjustment to college, reduced their visits to the health center, and in some cases, improved their grades.

This writing experiment was undertaken by college students, inmates, pain suffers, medical students, engineers out of work, first-time mothers, and others. It was done in the U.S., Belgium, Mexico, and New Zealand. The results—improved mental and physical health held true.

Narrative writing seems to help organize and give meaning to emotional trauma and experiences that may be difficult or complex. It seems that the process of writing, which integrates emotions and thoughts, provides a way to summarize and then move past the event.

The stories can be either autobiographical or third person, says Pennebaker. However, just telling a story about oneself does not provide benefits. It’s the process of contemplating and creating the story that provides benefits.  So, for someone to recount a story about their childhood, based on what they’ve been told or remember, appears to have little benefit. However, if the person writes their own version of the story, connecting events, thoughts, emotions, and people, the results are positive.

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References:

Pennebaker, J.W. & Seagal, J. (1999). Forming a story: The health benefits of narrative. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 55, 1243-1254. Retrieved from http://homepage.psy.utexas.edu/HomePage/Faculty/Pennebaker/Reprints/Seagal1999.pdf

Pennebaker, J.W. (2010). Expressive writing in a clinical setting. The Independent Practitioner, 30, 23-25. Retrieved from http://homepage.psy.utexas.edu/homepage/faculty/pennebaker/reprints/Pennebaker_IP2010.pdf

Good Night, Mr. Tom

A book about trauma, healing, and learning to trust

Beaten and emotionally traumatized by his single mother, Willie is too young to know that life should be different. He’s evacuated to the English countryside during World War II and his life changes. Over time, he learns to trust, connect, heal, and love.

Willie arrives in Mr. Tom’s  home covered in bruises from his beatings, and wets his bed nightly. His mother’s fierce, negative indoctrination about a world filled with nasty, mean people slips away as Willie makes friends, learns to read, discovers his artistic talents, has his first birthday party, and participates in a school play.

Abruptly, Willie is called back to London to see his mother. She immediately reminds him about living in fear and without love and kindness, and his shame returns. After several weeks, Mr. Tom travels to London with his dog to find Willie and is shocked at what he finds.

Eventually, Willie returns to the village with Mr. Tom where he resumes his emotional path of healing, living amongst kind-hearted, generous people. Even through the death of his best friend, he continues to heal and grow emotionally.

WRITING ACTIVITIES
Write a short summary of the story followed by a paragraph about how this story might connect to the child reading the book.

Make a list of five things that had to change inside Willie before he could learn to trust and love.

Is it fair that Willie grew up with a mom like he had? Write about that.

DISCUSSION TOPICS
What were some of the challenges Willie faced in his life? Are your challenges similar or different?

How did Willie’s trust of adults get broken? How did that get repaired?

BOOK INFORMATION
Grades 4-10. Can be found in the library or bought here.