Your family narrative

Your family has a story, a narrative. This story includes how and when the parents met, how the children came into the family (birth, adoption, foster, step…), positive times (vacations that went well, accomplishments, awards…), negative times (when someone lost a job, death of a pet, dealing with a disability, life challenges…), everyday life (favorite games, pizza night, birthdays…), core values (we worship weekly, nightly dinner together is important, we volunteer our time…), and much more.

Instead of reading or writing about other people, read, write, talk about your family. Some people write about their families to preserve family history. Some people write about their families as a way to sort out their feelings and beliefs about their past.

Another important reason to read, write, or talk about your family is to help your children. Learning about or writing about family can provide them with a background for the family’s values and it can help integrate their place in the family.

Ways to tell your family story:

• Pick a segment of your family’s history (when Grandma and Grandpa first got married, when your child joined the family, the winter we got snowed in…), pop some popcorn, and turn telling the story into a family get-together.
• Turn your child’s story into a multi-part story that you tell them over several nights as you tuck them in. Tell them about when you first saw her. Share about his early milestones. Describe what you liked about her when she was little. Talk about his accomplishments. Project into the future and share your hopes for her future.
• Create a slide presentation, gather the family around, and get everyone to share memories and stories.
• Have your child create a book of their life or the family as they know it. Have them write or type it up, and illustrate it. It can be shared with the immediate family or given to grandparents as a gift.

A family’s narrative is important to everyone. But it can be especially important for newly-adopted or foster children to hear, or when the family goes through changes, whether positive or negative. Become a family that narrates their own story as a way to celebrate, join together, and move through challenges.

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RESOURCE

You Can Write Your Family History

From nothing to love

Nothing, by Mick Inkpen, tells the story of a sad, lonely, misshapen stuffed cat. He’s left behind in an attic when the family moves out. He can’t quite remember who he is or what his name is. One of the movers shines a flashlight on him and says, “Oh, it’s nothing,” so he decides his name must be Nothing. He meets up with a mouse, a fox, and a frog, and eventually a tabby cat. Nothing cries to the cat, “I don’t know who I am!” The tabby cat befriends Nothing and takes him on an adventure. Eventually, the tabby cat takes Nothing home. Nothing finds out that he, in fact, belongs to this family. They clean him up, fix his injuries, and envelop him in love. He has a family! He’s home! He’s loved!

The story is excellent and the illustrations are exquisite. It looks very much like a young children’s book, but the message is appropriate for all ages. Recently, I gave this to a 14-year-old boy who was intrigued by the book.

Discussion or writing topics:

• How did Nothing feel in the beginning of the book? Have you ever felt like that?
• How did Nothing feel at the end of the book? What helped him feel differently?
• What are five feelings that Nothing might have had at the beginning of the book?
• What are five feelings that Nothing might have had at the end of the book?

Book info:
Nothing by Mick Inkpen. Written for young children, ages 4-8, but applicable for older children, teens, and adults. Helpful for individuals dealing with issues relating to adoption, life changes, feeling alone, worthlessness, and grief and loss.

The Witch of Blackbird Pond

It’s cold, bleak, unfriendly, and her new family doesn’t even like her. Kit is miserable living in Colonial Connecticut after leaving her home in Barbados. As she struggles between fitting in and living out her beliefs, Kit meets a local woman who the Puritan town believes to be a witch, Hannah Tupper.

When Kit is rebuked for her non-Puritan actions such as wearing bright, colorful clothes, or teaching children to act out a story as a play, or knowing how to swim, she visits Hannah at her cabin near the swampy Blackbird Pond, at the edge of a large meadow. Hannah’s cabin is shabby but filled with a welcoming, warm, caring atmosphere.

At Hannah’s cabin, Kit also develops friendships with Nat, a young sailor who often stops in to help Hannah, and Prudence, a six-year-old who escapes her mother’s abuse by visiting Hannah.

When the town decides to bring Hannah to trial for being a witch, Kit’s friendship with Hannah is tested, and she herself is put in jail. In the end, Kit, Nat, and little Prudence, help Hannah. They all stay committed to their friend Hannah and show the town that honesty, a caring attitude, and friendship that includes even those who are different, is the right way to live.

WRITING ASSIGNMENTS

Make a list of 10 things that are different in Kit’s life in Connecticut from her life in Barbados.

Describe one of the emotions that Kit must have been feeling during those first few months living with her aunt, uncle, and cousins. When did you experience that same or a similar emotion?

DISCUSSION TOPIC

When have you felt left out or different from your friends?

Have you ever had a friend that other people thought was odd, unusual, or different?

ART PROJECT

Draw a picture of Hannah’s cabin including the outdoor areas near the cabin.

BOOK INFO

The Witch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth George Speare. Ages 10-14. Find this book in a local library or buy it here… Witch of Blackbird Pond.

Number the Stars

This Newberry Award winning book is set in Denmark during World War II. Ten-year-old Annemarie is surrounded by Nazis but thinks of them as merely an annoyance, until her friend Ellen’s family is threatened. Denmark already has an active resistance movement, but when the Nazis begin to arrest the Jews, Annemarie’s family steps in to help not only Ellen’s family but other Jewish families, too.

Annemarie learns about friendship, helping others, being brave, and making right choices even when life is difficult and you’re filled with fear. She struggles to understand how the Nazis can be so mean and cruel, even though she grew up in a kind, caring family and environment. She watches her parents stand up to prejudice and evil and learns to do the same. Later, she learns that her older sister had also stood up to hatred and evil, and had been killed for it.

Annemarie’s uncle explains to her that sometimes it’s better not to know everything; it can be safer that way. She has to trust that she’s been told just what she needs to know. As several Jewish families are leaving Denmark for the safety of Sweden, she must take a critical item to her uncle. She must run through the woods at night, face down the Nazis, and make it to the boat before it leaves. She finds an inner strength based on the trust and knowledge of her family to help her accomplish her task.

WRITING ASSIGNMENTS
-What did Annemarie’s family teach her about how to treat other people?
-What do you think Annemarie felt like when she was running to her uncle’s boat? How do you think she felt after she delivered the basked?

DISCUSSION TOPICS
-Can you think of a time when it was hard for you to make a good choice because you were so scared?
-Think about all the things Annemarie had to do to help Ellen’s family. What do you think are some of the emotions she felt?

BIBLE ACTIVITY
In the funeral scene, Anneamrie’s uncle reads part of a psalm from the Bible. Use the index or a Bible concordance and look up that psalm, and copy it down. Read it out loud. Why do you think that psalm was read as they got ready to help families escape from the Nazis?

BOOK INFORMATION
Grades 3-6. You can find this book in your local library or buy it here, Number the Stars.

Good Night, Mr. Tom

A book about trauma, healing, and learning to trust

Beaten and emotionally traumatized by his single mother, Willie is too young to know that life should be different. He’s evacuated to the English countryside during World War II and his life changes. Over time, he learns to trust, connect, heal, and love.

Willie arrives in Mr. Tom’s  home covered in bruises from his beatings, and wets his bed nightly. His mother’s fierce, negative indoctrination about a world filled with nasty, mean people slips away as Willie makes friends, learns to read, discovers his artistic talents, has his first birthday party, and participates in a school play.

Abruptly, Willie is called back to London to see his mother. She immediately reminds him about living in fear and without love and kindness, and his shame returns. After several weeks, Mr. Tom travels to London with his dog to find Willie and is shocked at what he finds.

Eventually, Willie returns to the village with Mr. Tom where he resumes his emotional path of healing, living amongst kind-hearted, generous people. Even through the death of his best friend, he continues to heal and grow emotionally.

WRITING ACTIVITIES
Write a short summary of the story followed by a paragraph about how this story might connect to the child reading the book.

Make a list of five things that had to change inside Willie before he could learn to trust and love.

Is it fair that Willie grew up with a mom like he had? Write about that.

DISCUSSION TOPICS
What were some of the challenges Willie faced in his life? Are your challenges similar or different?

How did Willie’s trust of adults get broken? How did that get repaired?

BOOK INFORMATION
Grades 4-10. Can be found in the library or bought here.