Helping to heal the hurts of children and teens through words & writing, poems & pictures

Archive for the ‘Shame & guilt’ Category

From nothing to love

Nothing, by Mick Inkpen, tells the story of a sad, lonely, misshapen stuffed cat. He’s left behind in an attic when the family moves out. He can’t quite remember who he is or what his name is. One of the movers shines a flashlight on him and says, “Oh, it’s nothing,” so he decides his name must be Nothing. He meets up with a mouse, a fox, and a frog, and eventually a tabby cat. Nothing cries to the cat, “I don’t know who I am!” The tabby cat befriends Nothing and takes him on an adventure. Eventually, the tabby cat takes Nothing home. Nothing finds out that he, in fact, belongs to this family. They clean him up, fix his injuries, and envelop him in love. He has a family! He’s home! He’s loved!

The story is excellent and the illustrations are exquisite. It looks very much like a young children’s book, but the message is appropriate for all ages. Recently, I gave this to a 14-year-old boy who was intrigued by the book.

Discussion or writing topics:

  • How did Nothing feel in the beginning of the book? Have you ever felt like that?
  • How did Nothing feel at the end of the book? What helped him feel differently?
  • What are five feelings that Nothing might have had at the beginning of the book?
  • What are five feelings that Nothing might have had at the end of the book?

Book info:
Nothing by Mick Inkpen. Written for young children, ages 4-8, but applicable for older children, teens, and adults. Helpful for individuals dealing with issues relating to adoption, life changes, feeling alone, worthlessness, and grief and loss.

Touching Spirit Bear

A boy changes from violent to responsibleDuring a TV show about bullying, one boy said that his life had changed–he had stopped being a bully, when he was required to read Touching Spirit Bear by Ben Mikaelsen. I HAD to read it.

Cole is a mean, angry 15-year-old bully. He beats another student so badly the boy is hospitalized withe severe, life-long injuries. No matter who talks to Cole or what they say, he is belligerent and argumentative. Not a shred of shame or remorse for his actions.

He’s given an alternative to jail which is banishment for a year to a remote, deserted Alaskan island. This decision is made when Cole becomes part of Circle Justice, a  program based on Native American principles that encourages change and healing as part of justice. Cole pretends to agree with the plan but in reality, he takes no responsibility for his actions. Instead, he blames his behaviors on his parents and others, never himself.

When Cole is left on the island, he has a small cabin for shelter and a year’s worth of supplies, with plans for regular visits from his temporary guardians. Within hours, he burns down the cabin and all his supplies. Later, he is severely mauled by a mysterious white bear. He is taken to hospital to heal from his extensive injuries, but is then returned to the island.

Slowly, Cole makes small shifts in his thinking. His setting forces him to learn new skills. Eventually, he develops self-awareness, thoughtfulness, sympathy, and remorse.

This is a powerful book. A child or adolescent could read it to themselves or a parent could read it to them.

Writing topics:

  • Why do you think I had you read this book?
  • Write about three things you learned from this book.
  • How is the main character, Cole, similar and different to you?
  • How would you describe Cole’s attitude at the end of the book? Of all the things he had to do to survive on the island, which one do you think contributed the most to his change in attitude?

Book info:
Touching Spirit Bear by Ben Mikaelsen. Ages 11-16. Especially appropriate for children struggling with issues of anger, aggression, abuse, and bullying. Also touches on themes of parental abuse and trauma.

Words in the Dust

A 13-year-old-girl in Afghanistan faces challenges

Her world is filled with heat and dust, and rules and chores, and sadness and fear. Her name, Zulaikha, means “a brilliant beauty” in Afghani, but the mean boys in her traditional village call her “Donkeyface.” Zulaikha was born with a cleft palate, problems with her mouth and nose that make it difficult to talk and eat, and gives her face an odd, disfigured look.

Zulaikha’s mother died at the hands of the Taliban for her love of books. The memories of her mother’s death linger, as does her mother’s love of Afghan history, culture, and literature. Throughout the book, Zulaikha is confronted with limitations based on her culture and her family, but she and her sister encourage each other, no matter how difficult life is.

A window of delight opens in Zulaikha’s life when a friend of her mother’s offers to teach her to read. And, her whole world changes when an American soldier notices her and arranges for her to have surgery to fix her cleft palate. Even though a new world filled with new possibilities arises, Zulaikha must still face difficulties and grief, surrounded by a family and a culture that struggles with change.

Words in the Dust provides a glimpse into a part of the world that many Americans are unfamiliar with. Written by a soldier who was stationed in Afghanistan, the book reflects his admiration and knowledge of the culture. At the same time, he creates a novel filled with emotion, choice, and change.

WRITING ASSIGNMENTS

Describe the two events in Zulaikha’s life that have caused her to feel grief and pain.

Write down three times in the book when Zulaikha feels large, overhwhelming emotions. What does she do to feel and express those emotions? What would you recommend to Zulaikha as another possible way to express her emotions?

DISCUSSION TOPIC

Can you think of a time in your life when both good, positive things were happening, and at the same time, bad, negative things were happening?

ART PROJECT

Look at some Persian poetry like what Zulaikha was learning to read. Some examples are at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Find a page or part of a page that you like and try to re-create it.

BOOK INFO

Words in the Dust by Trent Reedy. Ages 10-15. Find this book in a local library or buy it here… Words in the Dust.

Good Night, Mr. Tom

Good Night, Mr. Tom

A book about trauma, healing, and learning to trust

Beaten and emotionally traumatized by his single mother, Willie is too young to know that life should be different. He’s evacuated to the English countryside during World War II and his life changes. Over time, he learns to trust, connect, heal, and love.

Willie arrives in Mr. Tom’s  home covered in bruises from his beatings, and wets his bed nightly. His mother’s fierce, negative indoctrination about a world filled with nasty, mean people slips away as Willie makes friends, learns to read, discovers his artistic talents, has his first birthday party, and participates in a school play.

Abruptly, Willie is called back to London to see his mother. She immediately reminds him about living in fear and without love and kindness, and his shame returns. After several weeks, Mr. Tom travels to London with his dog to find Willie and is shocked at what he finds.

Eventually, Willie returns to the village with Mr. Tom where he resumes his emotional path of healing, living amongst kind-hearted, generous people. Even through the death of his best friend, he continues to heal and grow emotionally.

WRITING ACTIVITIES
Write a short summary of the story followed by a paragraph about how this story might connect to the child reading the book.

Make a list of five things that had to change inside Willie before he could learn to trust and love.

Is it fair that Willie grew up with a mom like he had? Write about that.

DISCUSSION TOPICS
What were some of the challenges Willie faced in his life? Are your challenges similar or different?

How did Willie’s trust of adults get broken? How did that get repaired?

BOOK INFORMATION
Grades 4-10. Can be found in the library or bought here.